Conversation with a 3 year old

Me: Avery, go get in bed.
A: I have to go potty.
(hear him peeing)
Me: Ok, go get in bed!
A: What are we doing tomorrow after church? Maybe we can go to the rec center and swim.
Me: The outside pool is closed. The water is cold. Go to bed.
A: Maybe we can go to the inside pool and swim. (whispers: maybe we can go to the inside pool and swim) Louder--maybe we can go to the inside pool and swim!!!! (not sure why he repeated it 3 times in different tones)
Me: Probably not tomorrow. Go to bed.
(he goes to bed)
A: (reenters living room) How long do I be in bed?
Me: It's dark outside. It's nighttime, you have to sleep til the sun wakes up. Go to bed.
A: But how long have I be in bed?
Me: You have been in bed 2 minutes, of which most of that time you were peeing or in the living room talking to mommy. go to bed.
(he goes to bed)
A: (reenters living room with small lizard stuck to his arm) Look mom!
Me: go to bed.

This will continue for about 2 more hours. No matter what you do to him, he will get up and down. The only time he is quiet is if he sneaks into his sister's bed, then he plays with her toys until he falls asleep. She sleeps on, never knowing he was ever there.
Need I say more. My poor 3 year old when he naps, stays up later and later, finding meaningless things to do or say. You might say, then don't let him nap, but I need my sanity, people, during the daytime. at the cost of my sanity at bedtime.

more scintillating conversation with a 3 year old to come (probably even later tonight)